Dragonrider

Prayers for you Lady

I won't be here much anymore I'm sorry to say. I have alot of issues to assess in my life about me and for me and I'm making some serious and big decisions. My doctor caught something last week by accident. It's not cancer but an issue with my heart. He got right in my face and explained that if I don't make big changes in diet and quit smoking, I might only live another year or two. I have what's called an...See More aneurysmal dialation of the umbilical aorta 3.3 centimeters. If it gets to 5 cms, the doctor said he would schedule me immediately for heart surgery. What I have can't be reversed, only controlled to not get bigger. If it gets bigger and ruptures, I would die instantly. So, I have to sentence myself to total isolation which I'm fine with as there is no one else who can help me more than I can help myself. Either way, every day is a gift to me. If these are my last days, they're going to be 100 % mine. I'll either change and control it, or I won't. There's nothing anyone else can do. It is painful, and I won't take meds, so really it's about how long I can endure the pain and how bad it ultimately gets. Riding for me now makes it much worse. Sharp and dull pains in abdomen and lower back, non stop. It didn't help when 2 doctors asked me if I had a will. I guess it's just time. I always knew I would die young so I'm not surprised but I'm grateful every day because I had a really really great life. The severe trauma from my very unusual divorce didn't help either but I'm at peace with that because I know how severely mentally ill my x became in the end. For those that don't know he was a life long alcoholic who secretly got on bad drugs and became super violent. He has alot of guns and was using them to threaten everyone. He told me if I ever tried to leave or take anything, with a gun in my face, that he would shoot me in the face and burn me down in the house. The man i knew and loved more than anyone on earth was now threatening to kill me constantly. I had a domestic violence protection order almost 3 yrs and that didn't stop him. After the divorce he was even arrested for communicating threats and pointing a gun at someone and got off on the charge. What i saw was the court wanted nothing to do with him and only sought to force me out of the situation, despite actual divorce laws. He was angry and homicidal because I tried to leave as I couldn't tolerate his violent behavior and attacks. So yes, I watched his brain disappear and I let him take everything in order to save my life. But now, I guess I have to do it all over again. Not sure if I can, or even have the will, but I have to plan, support myself, and stay alone. It's my problem and I never want to feel like I'm a burden to anyone ever again. So no, I won't be here or FB. You might catch me here and there on tiktok maybe as Ladydragonrider2. The truth is I have no desire to communicate with anyone because I need the time alone, and I'm happiest that way. So please don't take offense if I don't respond. I am very serious about me and nothing else in the world matters to me anymore. I've survived it all alone 5 yrs now, and now I have to make better plans for me again. I hope whatever battles you're fighting in your life, that you have the strength and courage to do it on your own.

Isn't it odd how you can be talking to someone new and they seem rather great, normal, interesting, then whoops, in 15 seconds they jumped right on the crazy train? No ability to ever see another point of view, not as a personal criticism, but just a different perspective from someone whom they think they like, but take personal offense as if your trying to kill them if you don't subscribe to their unintellectual...See More social myths. Funny how the concept of learning has been switched into not what you learn, but what you already know, the fixed rigid ego of a closed mind. Just say the word AR15 at a flea market, and watch the whole place go bonkers. People have lost their damn minds always on defense, unresolved childhood trauma, guns to bolster Egos, to defend the right to have the right already given but it goes so deep into the psyche of malignant narcissism its impossible to explain just how all damn stupid it is. Just like the idea to attack and kill people to take the house, not with logic, but by brutality and force. I have traveled the world and I do agree with every country who thinks Americans are nuts, egocentric, narcissistic, greedy, selfish, mean, and destroying capitalism from within. You may think that's funny and wrong, but just sit back and watch multinational conglomerates use that to their advantage. While everyone is taking offense at anyone calling the kettle black, great minds are reinventing the kettle to make the argument obsolete. While you say FJB, he's going to raise the federal tax on purchasing an AR15 by 1000 percent. So now, buy up all that you can because they're going to be worth a small fortune, a small fortune young people can't afford. SO, put that in your pipe and smoke it. Now that gas is over 5 bucks a gallon, what the oil companies are doing is forcing you to conserve, without adopting any measures like we did in the 70s. A sustained higher price will also force innovation and alternatives that are long over due. There's more than one way to skin a cat...

Guess who's riding and who's not lol

I have a radical new idea. How about we just get rid of all of the guns. All of them. Every damn last one of them. Just for the hell of it, and see how it goes. But no, no damn egocentric narcissist would ever be willing to stand their ground without their false ego.

Most people who look at me don't and won't recognize me as a vet. I don't wear patches or clothes to ever signify it either. Pride was never something to me I ever felt willing to advertise, because it's what's in your heart and soul, not in what you wear, or what you look like. Then again, I never signed up for what I did and was drafted, relatively speaking. I worked in the US merchant marines, for Texaco,...See More running crude oil on super tankers. I was commissioned into the navy reserve military sealift command in 83 for the Persian gulf War. I never took any pride in the fact that what I did to get jet fuel in, and was really all about oil dominance, that we bombed thousands of oil targets in Iran. I never thought this was any resolution and time has proven war wasn't the answer. War is never a solution. Envy is the most evil immature spirit that only destroys those who live in it. Look now, as Putin is dying of cancer, as he is the cancer he incites. I will always chose peace over war no matter what the price is. There's no patch for choosing peace except the simple pace sign on my jeans.

Good morning beautiful people.....3 days of riding mostly in full sun and I'm going to wait til evening to ride today cause I'm getting fried.... and idk never got so much dirt and pollen in my eyes. Everything in the Cherokee Forest is growing like mad. Trying to talk myself into getting work done lol.... Never ever seen this many people here for memorial day weekend. Sat up late last night watching the meteor shower. Lazy hot day today, I think ! Just have riding fever. Don't want to do anything else ever lol... I'm so screwed!

Laurel creek in the Cherokee Forest, on 91 between Damascus VA and mountain city TN. A very quiet spot with no one around....

200 miles in 90 degree heat today, not a cloud in the sky in the Appalachians