As I dated over the last few years, I was frequently asked, why are you still single? I found it an interesting question but had difficulty in giving an honest answer to many of the men who sat before me as a potential ‘partner’ – or when ‘rejected – my ‘real reason’ for rejecting them as a potential mate.
The simple truth was – I was single because it was preferable to be single than to be with ‘just anyone’ or to be with the wrong person. I was dating because I hoped eventually I’d find the right person.
I could write a book on some of my dating experiences. It was a wealth of things. Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was frustrating or sad. At other times if felt hopeless. And a time or two, it was even a little scary.
What I mostly ‘saw’ in the single world were mainly 7 types of men (I’m talking men because I didn’t date women but I’d wager the same is likely true of women).
1. Those who had a serious disrespect for women and were anything but gentleman. They had no concept how to approach a high value woman and had no problem sexting nearly out of the gate or sending unasked for dic pics.
2. Those who didn’t want a relationship, they wanted sex. Period.
3. Those I simply had nothing in common with. A friend of mine put it best so I’m going to steal that line. Our clothing didn’t match!
4. Those who had never done any “work” on themselves, they lacked any sort of emotional depth or intelligence to even realize they needed to look internally and do their “work”. Most came across as desperate, needy or emotionally unhealthy.
5. Those who were still so wounded from a prior relationship - they remained a victim or had commitment issues. Many came across as wanting love but being too afraid or sometimes too bitter to open up to another relationship and try to trust anyone again. (I’ve no idea why they were even bothering to date – unless it was just to hookup).
6. Those with no level of fiscal responsibility. They had nothing to bring to the table. Now, while I was not looking for a man to support me, (I’m doing that just fine), I also didn’t want a partner who expected me to pay his way. At our age, I think a certain level of fiscal responsibility is a reasonable expectation.
7. Those that had done work on themselves and knew what they were looking for. They were willing to wait. They were open when and if the right person walked into their life. But these people were largely in the minority and it didn’t mean there was compatibility. To me, this was the only eligible ‘pool’ of people I’d consider - and it was quite small.
I’ve been fortunate to find an amazing man – so I’m beyond the dating scene these days. We’re in a full blown relationship and I thank the stars for his presence in my life.
But I’m curious, to those of you still dating. Do you agree/disagree with my assessment? Do you have any categories of your own to add?