ralphharley

A biker had a blowout, crashed his bike & in the wreak hi face was messed up & his lips were tore up from sliding on the blacktop, lucky his lady friend wasn't with him but her vagina lips were rather large & she donated half of each lip to him so he'd have two lips. The surgeon performed the operation, he had two lips & wore a mustache & goatee anyway so everything looked normal. He said the only problem but wasn't really a problem, that every time he smiled he got an erection!

A boy in the 5th grade had won every spelling B in school, went to district spelling contest & won, he could spell any word they asked him, went to state spelling & lost. When he got home & told his dad he'd lost, dad asked what was the word, he replied Posey. His dad said. no wonder you can't spell it, you can't pronounce it !

A woman without curves is like a Harley without handlebars, there isn't any place too put your hands!

Came home from work one day to find my wife standing in front of the full length mirror in the bathroom, what you doing I asked? She replied, look at me, my hair is getting grey, my skin is showing wrinkles, my tits are sagging, have teeth bridges in upper & lower teeth, putting on a few pounds & my ass is getting wider & said she needed me to pay her a compliment too make her feel better, I said, it's not a damn thing wrong with your eye sight & that's when all hell broke loose!

A lawyer's secretary always got to the office before him & she'd put a rose on his desk, when he got to his office he'd always pick it up & smell it. One morning she raised her dress, pulled down her drawers & rubbed the rose on her p***y, he came in & smelled it & called Ripley of Believe it or Not & said Mr. Ripley I have a rose that smells like a p***y. Ripley replied, no big deal, I can't & won't print it BUT if you get a p***y that smells like a rose then call me & I'll print that !

Biden was in a Department Store to buy a necktie he saw & liked, it was priced $18.00. He told the sales lady that he was President & would pay her $10.00 for it, she told him she had too have full price but if he'd raise her dress up as high as he has unemployment & pull down her drawers as low as he has economy & F**k her as good as he is the United States she would give him the necktie!

I heard that Colt is coming out this year with a new pistol called "The Politician", it's expensive, doesn't work & can't be fired!

well another year shoot to hell

Beware my friends, I just received a phone call that I had won 2.4 million dollar& a new car from Publishers Clearing House. He could barely speak english but all I had too do is go to Walmart & buy a $400.00 discount card, I laughed & told him I didn't know what he was drinking but wish I had some & hung up, it's a scam that I recently heard about!

A Methodist Preacher was seated next to a biker on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the biker asked for a shot of Jack Daniel's, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The biker then handed his drink back to the
attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice.

Three colored women on a flight too Hawaii, the first said in case they crashed in the ocean she had a florescent red bathing suit to put on so she'd be easy to see from the air by FFA. The second one said she had a florescent orange bathing suit too put on so she'd be seen easy in an air search. The third woman said she'd get naked because in a plane crash the FFA always looked for the Black Box first thing.