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My-moped think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die

bikerornot.com/my_moped
Sex:Male
Location: San Antonio, TX
Country: United States
Last Online: Yesterday
Interested in: Females
               
Age: 41
Ride: Yes
Own a bike: Yes
Status: Single
Looking for: Friends, relationships, riding partners
Religion: What is this?
Drink: Drink Socially
Introduction:









I got this Hi5 Layout from pYzam!







Who ever said life is fair?



Activities:
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I
sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed
to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I
thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) but thought
better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed
to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with
two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to
give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs
to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE CRAP!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing
sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above
the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst
would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where
it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my gonads and I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If
you think education is difficult, try being stupid.
Interests:
Rules for female passengers on street bikes...
1. If you have no bike but just happen to have your own helmet in your car we know your playing us for a ride.
2. If your going to go for a ride go with the nicest bike he's the one who is least likely to crash and kill you. If he has a nice bike he's probably been ridding a while. If you go with a tool who has a 86 ninja 250 we are all going to laugh at you. Plus use your head if his bike looks broke then so is he DUHHH!
3. If the bike is a "Stunt bike" or rashed up all over reconsider there is a reason its rashed up.
4. If you're FAT! Save yourself some embarrassment and save us the aggravation of trying to tell you no with out saying cuz "YOU'RE FAT!!!! We can only be sooo nice. Use your head.
5. If your friend is ugly or FAT (See rule 4) it is not my responsibility to get someone to take her.
6. If you have on a skirt then YES!!! We have to go first. No one else knows how to get where we are going... (Right guys?)
7. Showing your nice boobies will get you selected first for a bike ride.
8. STOP!!!!! F***ing bashing your Pep-Boys helmet into the back of my $600 custom helmet... thank you!
9. Move back and stick your ass out... your squishing my nuts.
10. Stop scratching my tank with your fake J-Lo ring set.
11. Yes it is too possible to jerk me off while I'm riding my bike, rubbing gently works too... (Note: This will also ensure you another bike ride anytime)
12. It is customary to pay for motorcycle rides with oral sex. (NOTE: If your skills aren't up to par it is definitely ok to have a girlfriend of yours assist you. Team work is what it's all about.)
13. We know when a girl likes the bike and not us. If every time we call it's always the same **** can we go on the bike.... NO!!!!..... It's fugging March biotch.
14. Don't lend this bike, it has one driver and it's me. So sit there and relax.
15. No you're not going to "GO FLYING RIGHT OFF" (Unless you piss me off then it's a possibility.)
16. Yes I'm going to go fast... stop being a pu$$y.
17. Yes I just adjusted my mirrors to see your boobs.
18. When we stop at a gas station, you are not guarenteed a return trip. Know your role and maybe you get dropped off close to where you were found.
Favorite Music:
Tom was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!' The next morning Tom got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife ran out to the driveway. She opened it and found a brand-new bathroom scale. Tom has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him
Favorite Quotes:
I saw you, hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But, you didn't see me, put an extra $20.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.


I saw you, pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk. But, you didn't see me, playing Santa at the local mall.


I saw you, change your mind about going into the restaurant. But, you didn't see me, attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief.

I saw you, roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But, you didn't see me, riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.


I saw you, frown at me when I smiled at your children. But, you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.


I saw you, stare at my long hair. But, you didn't see me, and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.


I saw you, roll your eyes at our leather jackets and gloves. But, you didn't see me, and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.


I saw you, look in fright at my tattoos. But, you didn't see me, cry as my children were born and have their name written over and in my heart.


I saw you, change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere. But, you didn't see me, going home to be with my family.


I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But, you didn't see me, when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.


I saw you, yelling at your kids in the car. But, you didn't see me, pat my child's hands, knowing he was safe behind me.


I saw you, reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road. But, you didn't see me, squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.


I saw you, race down the road in the rain. But, you didn't see me, get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.


I saw you, run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time. But, you didn't see me, trying to turn right.


I saw you, cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in. But, you didn't see me, leave the road.


I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass. But, you didn't see me. I wasn't there. I saw you, go home to your family. But, you didn't see me. Because, I died that day you cut me off.


I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family. But, you didn't see me.


Re-post this around in hopes that people will understand the biker community.


EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, RESPECT OUR RIGHTS TO RIDE WHAT WE CHOOSE AND TAKE A FEW EXTRA SECONDS TO BE SURE WE'RE NOT IN 'YOUR' WAY

I hope you never loose someone that rides.
About Me:



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  2004 Yamaha r6
before it got stolen
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