| Spicy McHaggis's Stats |
| Views | 5216 |
| Ranking | 5735 of 182211 members |
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 | Spicy McHaggis Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have |
| bikerornot.com/mchaggis |
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| Location: |
Washington CO, PA |
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| Looking for: |
Friends, riding partners
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Introduction:
Rules for dating my daughter.
Since the Air Force Creed states that I am a warrior. I may as well start acting like one.
1) If your vehicle stops in my driveway and you honk the horn, I shall assume you are announcing your desire to deliver a gift. You definitely will not be picking anything up.
2) Exit your vehicle and speak the password. Turn, face your vehicle, and place both hands on top. After I have searched you interrogated you, and checked a minimum of two forms of photo identification, I MAY allow you to stand at ease by the steps of my porch.
3) However, if I tell you to stand by your car, stay there. You may stand at ease, but do not wonder off. My dog is always on the lookout for fresh meat.
4) If you wait and more then an hour passes, do not shuffle you feet and figget. My daughter likely is still putting on her makeup, a process which may take several more hours. If you wish to pass the time by doing something usefull, raise your hand, speak, speak and request permission to wash my truck.
5) Do not be tempted to try to get to know me by mindlessly jabbering about sports, politics, cars, or similar childish foolishness. Unless I tell you to speak, keep your mouth shut.
6) Be very afraid. In my presence, keep your hands out of your pockets. If you jingle your loose chains or rattle your car keys, I may mistake it for the sound of bad guys in the wire when my PTSD starts acting up.
7) Never lie to me. During any random interrogation to which I may subject you to, never lie. When it comes to my little girl, I am your terminal nightmare, the all-knowing and merciless Deity of your universe. You will have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have (1) no scruples, (2) a closet full of automatic weapons, (3) a footlocker full of ammo, (4) a back-hoe and (5) 45 wooded acres behind my house. Do not tempt me.
8) I trust that you are a popular young fellow with many opportunities to socialize with other girls. However, once you have dated my daughter, you will date no other girls until my daughter is absolutely finished with you.
9) When and if my daughter is finally ready, the two of you are free to go. However, first I will ask you what time you will deliver my daughter back home. The only words you are authorized to speak are: “Whenever you say, Sir!”
10) You must NEVER take my daughter to:
Places where there are no nuns or policemen within sight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there are beds, sofas, recliners, and such.
Places where there is music or dancing.
Places where there is happiness or holding hands.
Places where the temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, a tank top, a bathing suit, or anything other than insulated coveralls.
11) IF my daughter agrees, you may take her to:
Nursing homes, churches, government offices, and hospitals.
Military Parades and patriotic functions(during the daytime)
Outdoor athletic or autoracing events(during the daytime)
Movies(during the daytime) IF there are no romantic themes, and IF you and my daughter do not sit in adjacent seats. Note: movies which feature chain saws, auto racing, wrestling, or hand to hand combat are preferred.
12) You may look at my daughter if she consents and if you do not look at anything below the neck.
13) You may never touch my daughter in any manner or under any circumstances. If I discover your hands on her, I will remove them. It WILL be painful.
14) If you ever make my daughter cry, I will make you cry a lot more before I kill you.
15) I trust that you know that sexual conduct without protection and kill you. Make no mistake, If you even daydream about sexual conduct with my daughter, I AM the protection and I will Kill you.
16) While you are away from my home with my little girl, the voices in my head always tell me to clean and reload my weapons. While I wait for you to return, I do what the voices tell me to do. Think about it.
17) When you return to my driveway with my little girl, keep both hands (1) in sight and (2) on the wheel. Do not even consider exiting your vehicle. Shout in a loud voice that you have brought my daughter back. Once she has safely entered my front door, drive away immediately. The camouflaged face you may see in the window is mine.
I want to take a minute to thank everyone for their nice words of support during my deployment. But, remember that I was only there a short time and my brothers in the Army and Marines are there a LOT longer and still need our thoughts and support. Thanks again
Why we're here....
Hello everyone....
Most of you have seen or heard me complaining about this god foresaken base here in the arm pit of the world. Really, I believe most of my complaints have been pretty valid. But, something happened to us last night, that put everything we do here into perspective.
While relaxing after the first launch of the evening, we had to go over to the operations tent to check some video from one of the pilots gun camera to help us troubleshot a problem he claimed to have(turns out he didn't have a problem, but just thought he did). Anyways.... While there an Army guy came in. he had that roughed up look that we have become used to from them over here. They call it the 1000 yard stare or something. He said he came by on behalf of one of his comrades. He then pulled out a bunch of pictures of dead bad guys. Some of the worst stuff I had ever seen. Horror movie stuff. He explained that these guys were the victums of the A-10's famous 30mm Cannon. He then went on to tell us the story behind those pics.
It seems that while in a fight, his buddy got his legs shot up real bad. After this happened, he began to pass out. Before being over run and either killed or made a prisoner(worse then death), he went unconscience. The last thing he remembers is the roar of the warthawgs cannon and the sound of bullets hitting near him.
It seems someone called in an air strike. That army guy was here on behalf of his buddy to thank us for saving his life and the life of the others in his unit that night.
We don't know which night it was or what plane or pilot was flying that particuler mission. We also don't know if that "red-ball" I fixed or which gun that the weapons guy loaded actually had a hand in those events. But, we know that everytime we get a bird up in the air on time and mission ready, we may be saving someones ass on the ground.
That's why we are here! Forget the politics and all that. We are here because our bothers in the Army and Marines are out there getting shot at everyday. We owe it to them to be there to watch over them. My friend Cathy and here sisters husbends will both be heading here very soon. I hope they know that even if my unit and I have rotated out, there will be another Worthawg up there looking out for them.
Thanks for reading.....
The Spicy McHaggis Jiggy
by the Dropkick Murphy's
I'll tell you a story, believe me, it's true.
A tale you best hope never happens to you.
Old Spicy McHaggis, how he met his fate.
You I can save, but for him it's too late.
Spicy was big, burly and strong. His pipes were gigantic,
And so was his schlong!
From city to city, running around,
Always looking for chicks over four hundred pounds
One night at the pub, a girl caught his eye,
Big as a house, just the right size.
The broad was enormous, stacked to the hilt,
Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt.
The piper delivered his best pick-up line,
Thought to himself,
"this beast is all mine" the portly young lady could stand for no more
Grabbed his cojones and went for the door
They got to her house and dimmed all the lights
Spicy was in for one hell of a night he said that he loved her,
He'd always be true "But Mr. McHaggis, I've only just met you!!"
By now he saw double through his drunken eyes
Neither had looks or appropriate size he came to his sense,
Thought to himself, "At this time of night I won't find nothing else" he took off his shirt,
She lifted her skirt, they pulled out his unit and stared to play she asked for a glove,
He gave her a shove, had baby McHaggis nine months to-the-day.
One night at the pub a girl caught his eye big as a house,
Just the right size the broad was enormous,
Stacked to the hilt spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt
The piper delivered his best pick-up line thought to himself,
"this beast is all mine" the portly young lady could stand for no more
Grabbed his cojones and went for the door
Three packs a day, he'll smoke 'til he dies Spicy McHaggis, one hell of a guy!
Spicy Spicy he's my man
If he can't do it no one can.
He so sweet, not one bit sour
He's my hero, the man of the hour.
So when you see him out in the field,
Shake his hand because he's the REAL DEAL!
a poem by Jillian
Spicy McHaggis is such a hunk
If he were lonely
I'd sleep in his bunk.
He's an AF man, a hero to me
He can paddle my butt and bend
me over his knee.
- another poem by Jillian
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Activities:
Don't forget to charge your glasses and say a toast to Mollie Mc on Monday...
Happy McDay!!!!!!
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Interests:
Things I have learned in IRAQ
1. Pilots are not real smart sometimes.
2. If a wrong thing is done long enough. It becomes right.
3. Incoming fire has the right of way.
4. If there is a simple way to fix a jet, Ken will still find the must difficult.
5. The urgency of the need to pee is (1) directly proportional to the temperature and (2) inversely proportional the distance from a porto potty you are.
6. My migraines aren't caused by stress. It can only be JP.
7. You can land a plane anywhere, ONCE.
8. Fools consistently pass up excellent opportunities to shut up. (Ken again)
9. Stupid people never make the same mistakes twice. They make it three, four, five and six times. (sorry Ken)
10. the First myth of management is that it exists. (you know who you are)
11.You're never lost if you don't care where you are.
12. Combat does not make men of boys.
13. Combat flying is not dangerous. Crashing is what is dangerous.
14. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
15. Combat flying is not dangerous. Crashing is what is dangerous.
16. There is a such thing a steak and Lobster that sucks. (Thanks for nothing KBR)
17. Curious looking objects attract fire. Never stand behind one.
18. Keep it simple, The problem is rocket science every time.
19. Luck is an acceptable substitute for competence. (ken)
20. Curious looking objects attract fire. Never stand behind one.
Most IMPORTANTLY,
A dry heat is still Fucking hot when it's 120 degrees.
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Favorite Music:
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Favorite TV Shows:
So I'm gonna start usin' my powers for good. You know, fighting the forces of evil and shit
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Favorite Movies:
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Favorite Quotes:
Sure I thought about the Navy, but decided to pass.....
I love my 4 star hotels and per diem out the ass...
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About Me:
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