| Wolfman says,Why is bra singular and panties plural?'s Stats |
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Friends, relationships
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Introduction:
I enjoy the outdoors,the Islands,animal(especially wolves), old cars and those Harleys! I'm pretty laid back till I get to know you. Most people think I have an attitude cause I don't take very good pics! Once you see the real me you'll find I'm a big pushover, to a point that is! One thing that I have learned: If a wolf accepts you then you must be a good person. Trust me when I say THEY know!!! The world to them is only black or white. There's no gray.They see a black heart as quick as they can smell your fear.REMEMBER to a wolf either you're part of the pack, or part of the FOOD CHAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
Ever lent someone $20 + never seen them again? IT proably was worth it!!!
----(((o)))----- Put This
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---/--/-\--\---- Someone Who
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MySpace Layouts, Comments and Graphics
Grab This Layout: Cool Harley Chick Layout
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Turn ons:
Hot sweaty leather (on ladies!) long legs + hair, belly rings + on + on LOL!!!! |
Turn offs:
attitudes, drunks with attitudes, bitchy people, did I mention attitudes? |
Ideal:
Wolves; Will be taking $50.00 deposits + when born they will choose in order of dep.First dep gets first pick.I'm not keeping any this litter.Dep returned at anytime.Haven't set price yet. | |
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Activities:
A Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.
You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4. You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!
onde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for
her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk when the milkman read the note, he
felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he
knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the
milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did
you mean 2.5 gallons?'
The blonde said, 'I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with
milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?' The blonde said, 'No, just
up to my tits. I can splash it on my face.'
Letter to welfare office;
I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all,
Like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you
Fart.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.
YOU MAY BE
A TALIBAN IF..."
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a
moral objection to beer.
2.. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket
launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider
bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof
and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't
declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely
carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses
other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man
should own at least one.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's
goat.
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Interests:
A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
'First', Bobby Lee said, 'I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips.'
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
'Second', he said, 'She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt.'
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
'Third', he said, 'you can't never tell no one about this.'
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
'Fourth', Bobby Lee said, 'I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.'
Once again it was agreed.
'And last,' Bobby Lee said, 'I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.'
>
>Dear Ma and Pa:
>I am well. Hope you are.
>Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man
>Minch by a mile.
>Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
>I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
>But I am getting so I like to sleep late.
>Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and
>shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to
>split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
>Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
>Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
>etc., but kind of weak on chops, taters, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and
>other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two
>city boys that live on coffee. Their food,plus yours,holds you until noon
>when you get fed again.
>It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
>We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to
>harden us.
>If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.. A 'route march'
>is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet
>and we all ride back in trucks.
>The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like
>the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't
>bother you none.
>This next part will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.
>I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near
>as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting back at you
>like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all
>comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come
>in boxes.
>Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle
>with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.
>It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they
>got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake I only beat
>him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds
>and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
>Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
>onto this setup and come stampeding in.
>Your loving daughter,
>Alice
>
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Favorite Music:
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
And make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!Subject: The Half-Wit
A man owned a small farm in Alabama .
The Department of Labor claimed he
Was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a
Representative out to interview him.
I need a list of your employees
And how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer,
'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3
Years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The
Cook/housekeeper has been here for 18 months, and I pay her
$150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the
Half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per
Week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of
Whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife
Occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
On your new alligator shoes
And you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy
And your pacemaker opens the garage door,
'OLD' I S WHEN...
Going braless
Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
Just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
Means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
In the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
To use the bathroom.
AND
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes?
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and that his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.
Interpretation...so I booked into a hotel and said to the receptionist,
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
SENIOR DRESS CODE (see below!)
Many of us 'Old Folks' (those over 50, WAY over 50, or hovering
near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves.
We are unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and
whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current
fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the
following combinations DO NOT go together And should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Mini skirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
And last , but not least
13. Thongs and Depends
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Favorite TV Shows:
Broccoli Casserole
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'.
The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!'
Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it she let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you
Subject: Restroom Etiquette At Work
By Skippy
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from.
Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.
Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover if this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME .
* WALK OF SHAME * Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. *SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact..
*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE .
*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.
*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
SOME VARIETIES OF POOP YOU SHOULD BE AWARE OF~
The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.
Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.
The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it falls into the water.
The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
NOW EVERYONE TRY TO GO POOP IN PEACE…QUIT LAUGHING... POOPING IS A NATURAL PROCESS
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Favorite Movies:
Words of Wisdom For Those Who Listen.
And for the Fellers Copy and Paste This on the Fridge! I was caring for a woman and asked, 'So, how's
your breakfast this morning?
It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient
replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was
quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you? She replied, No doctor, but the song you were whistling
was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.
Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'So - if you give her crap,you will receive more shit than any one human being can handleLove and appreciate all the women in your life.
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Favorite Books:
A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter,
purchased a piece of timberland, near Grants Pass, OR. There was a large
tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of
the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As
she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her
haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many
splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she
was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the
splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then
told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help
her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The
angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'
He smiled and then told her, 'Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.
I'm sorry, but they turned me down.
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Favorite Quotes:
Subject: FW: NBC Olympic Commentator Bloopers
LUV # 9!!!!!!!
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far
during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?
Two Gay Guys are walking through a zoo... They come across the gorillaand notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men arefascinated by this. One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into thecage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage andmates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendantshelplessly stand by.... When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage. An ambulanceis called and the man is taken away to the hospital. A few days later,his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, 'Are you hurt?' 'AM I HURT?' he shouts, 'Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called....he hasn'twritten....
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About Me:
> > Weddings
> >
> >
> > When I was younger I hated going to weddings.
> >
> > It seemed that all of my aunts and the
> > grandmotherly types used to come
> > up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling
> > me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.
> >
> > They stopped that shit after I started doing the
> > same thing to them at
> > funerals.
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Wolfman says,Why is bra singular and panties plural?'s Albums |
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Wolfman says,Why is bra singular and panties plural?'s Friends |
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