Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota: To ALL my kin n friends back home !!!!
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.
If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota.
If you have ever refused to buy something because it's 'too spendy,' you might live in Minnesota.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Minnesota.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Minnesota.
* If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.
If you know how to say...Wayzata...Mahtomedi...Cloquet... Edina...and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.
If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.
If vacation means going 'up north' for the weekend, you might live in Minnesota.
If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Minnesota.
If you know several people, who have hit deer more than once, you might live in Minnesota.
If you often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you might live in Minnesota.
* If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you might live in Minnesota.
If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events, you might live in Minnesota.
* If you install security lights on your house &garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Minnesota.
If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison, you might live in Minnesota.
If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Minnesota.
If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time, you might live in Minnesota.
* If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in Minnesota.
If you think driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Minnesota.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, you might live in Minnesota.
If you can identify a southern or eastern accent, you might live in Minnesota.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Minnesota.
If 'Down South' to you means Iowa, you might live in Minnesota.
If you know 'a brat' is something you eat, you might live in Minnesota.
* If you find -10 degrees 'a little chilly,' you might live in Minnesota.
If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends, you've lived or are living in Minnesota...
VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)Dominant In relationships.Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Verysmart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful.Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Oftenshy. Pessimistic
Happy Birthday early to my daughter Shannon on April 4th she was suppose to b a April fools baby ,boy the yoke was on me lol !!!!!
Why Women Are Crabby
We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar . Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby You think women are the 'weaker sex?' Yeah right. Bite me.
Send this to seven bright women you know and make their day!!! Or at least make them laugh a little.....
Turn ons:
a guy in leather on a bad ass bike n also knows how to treat a lady in n out of the bedroom !!!!!!!!
Turn offs:
ignorant judgemental liars
Ideal:
I will know when I meet him !!!!!
Activities: I love the outdoors,creating with my arts/crafts camping,concerts,designing jewelry,flea markets, historical sites n events,powwows,going to the ocean,getting on a bike n just ride!!!
Interests: I am a collector of old cookie jars, salt n pepper shakers, beanie bears, (holiday) Barbies,antiques
Favorite Music:
I like music from the 1950's to 1990s, but I do like some of todays songs.
Favorite TV Shows: game,horror,cooking,decorating, QVC n GEMS.tv to name a few. Did I forget to mention I love to explore to find that 1 great "FIND" u only find once in this lifetime whether it b a piece of art, jewelry, or that "special" someone that is out there calling your name !!!!!!!
Favorite Movies: to many to mention
Favorite Books: A tree grows in Brooklyn, Little house on the Prairie- since I am originally from Minnesota.
Favorite Quotes: "Born Free" !!!!!!!
About Me: I enjoy meeting ppl who r real n able to share a part of themselves, help a friend n not expect to get anything bk in return except maybe a smile
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